Special JCC State of Mind: Purim Edition
Written by Rabbi Hindy and Aaron Cantor

Happy Purim! A holiday of joy, humor, and delightful chaos. In that spirit, we bring you a completely fictional news story—because what better way to celebrate than with a little playful imagination? While Pittsburgh may not be hosting the 2028 Olympics, if any organization could make the impossible happen, it’s the JCC of Greater Pittsburgh. So grab your groggers, put on your costumes, and enjoy this tale of Olympic-sized chutzpah. Join us Sunday, March 16th, for more Purim fun!

IOC Confirms Plans to Move 2028 Olympics from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh, Citing JCC of Greater Pittsburgh as “Gold Medal” Partner 

PITTSBURGH, PA – In an unprecedented turn of events, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has officially announced that the 2028 Olympic Games will be relocated from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh, citing the city’s unparalleled ability to host world-class athletic competitions—chief among them, the 2025 JCC Maccabi Games.

“The Olympic Games are about determination, community, and finding a good pierogi after a long day of competition,” said Thomas Bach, President of the IOC. “We saw firsthand the magic of Pittsburgh when we visited and learned about the upcoming JCC Maccabi Games at the JCC of Greater Pittsburgh, and we immediately realized this is where the world needs to compete.”

 A Bold (and Slightly Confusing) Decision 

The move, described by some as “shocking” and by Pittsburghers as “about time,” comes after a meticulous evaluation process. The IOC’s evaluation commission was originally scheduled to spend a full week in Los Angeles reviewing facilities and infrastructure. However, upon arrival in Pittsburgh (and hearing about the Maccabi Games), the committee members were promptly greeted with a warm, “Yinz want some fries on that?” and were instantly sold.

“Los Angeles is fine,” admitted one anonymous IOC delegate. “But did LA ever consider hosting an opening ceremony at a Primanti Bros.? Or replacing the torch relay with a relay race featuring pierogis from Church Brew Works? We think not.”

                       Ai generated photo

The JCC of Greater Pittsburgh: The Ultimate Olympic Partner 

With the JCC of Greater Pittsburgh leading the charge, organizers are confident that Pittsburgh can rise to the challenge. In fact, the IOC has contracted the JCC to handle all logistical and operational planning for the 2028 Games. “The way they are coordinating the 2025 JCC Maccabi Games—ensuring 1,800 Jewish teens will make it to their events, have enough Powerade, and never once run out of challah—is nothing short of amazing,” Bach explained. “If they can do that, they can definitely handle 10,500 Olympians.”

As part of the transition plan, the JCC has already proposed a few Pittsburgh-centric modifications to the Olympic Games:

• The Three Rivers Decathlon – Athletes must kayak down the Monongahela, bike through the Strip District while dodging traffic, and sprint up a hilly street in Squirrel Hill without breaking a sweat.

• The Heinz Ketchup Shot Put – Replacing the traditional shot put, competitors must accurately launch a glass bottle of Heinz ketchup onto a plate of fries at 15 feet.

• The Terrible Towel Gymnastics Floor Routine – Points deducted for dropping the towel. Extra points for perfect synchronization with a Steelers polka remix.

• Competitive Parking – Athletes must parallel park on Carson Street during peak hours. Medals awarded based on precision, time, and number of creative hand gestures used.

Pittsburgh Embraces Its Olympic Future 

While the city scrambles to make necessary upgrades (including adding more bridges, because you can never have enough bridges), Pittsburghers have fully embraced the Olympic spirit. City officials have already declared 2028 “The Year of the Steel Curtain,” stating that any athlete caught complaining about Pittsburgh weather will be immediately disqualified.

When asked how Pittsburgh will house thousands of international athletes, the JCC assured reporters, “Don’t worry, we have a guy.” As for Angelenos, sources say that LA residents remain unfazed by the decision. “Honestly, traffic here is bad enough,” one local admitted. “Pittsburgh can have it. But good luck getting any of the visiting athletes to understand what ‘reddup,’ ‘nebby,’ or ‘dahntahn’ mean.”

With the JCC at the helm and the spirit of Purim in full force, the 2028 Pittsburgh Olympic Games promise to be the most unforgettable—and possibly most yinzer—Olympics in history.

L’chaim to the ‘Burgh, and let the games begin!

Wishing you and your families a Shabbat shalom and Chag Purim Sameach,

Rabbi Hindy and Aaron

P.S. We can’t wait to see you at one OR BOTH of the JCC’s Purim experiences on Sunday, March 16! Click HERE to register for Lights, Camera, South Hills Purim and click HERE to register for the Snyder Family Purim Carnival in Squirrel Hill – Once Upon a Purim (enter “Purim” in the search bar)