I’ve studied leadership and organizational performance and spent years trying to put that knowledge into practice as a leader in health care. Over time, one thing became clear: energy matters. Not just in a “rah-rah team spirit” way, but in a very real and measurable sense. Positive energy fuels performance. Negative energy drains it. Team dynamics rely on a positive energy balance.
Over the years, I found a simple and effective strategy that has worked: the 3-to-1 rule. For every one piece of constructive (negative) feedback, you need three positive comments to keep someone engaged, motivated and open to growth.
In high-stress fields like healthcare, social work, or customer service where employees can face many negative comments or complaints as part of their job, leaders need to be even more vigilant about keeping the energy balance positive. Without supportive leadership, positive reinforcement, and a team that builds each other up, it’s easy to spiral into disconnection or burnout. No one thrives in a negativity vortex. I’m sure anyone who has been part of a dysfunctional or under-performing team can relate.
This 3-to-1 rule is not just management fluff—it’s backed by science. Our brains are wired to respond more intensely to negative stimuli. That means criticism lands harder, lingers longer, and can easily overpower encouragement if it’s not carefully balanced. You’ve probably experienced this: one piece of tough feedback can erase three compliments in a heartbeat.
For years, I applied this 3-to-1 rule in my work. But I never thought to apply it to myself—especially not when it came to my own health and wellness goals. That changed recently, thanks to a very humbling Achilles injury and some very inspiring physical therapy sessions at the JCC in Squirrel Hill.
During my first PT appointment, I found myself thinking:
- “Wow, you’re not as strong as you were.”
- “You’re not doing enough.”
- “How did you get so weak and out of shape?”
And then… “Well, at least you showed up today.” (That may be the most lack-luster pep talk I’ve ever heard!)
My internal feedback to was 3-to-1, but it was all heading in the wrong direction. Thankfully, the PT team modeled a much better way. They didn’t hold back when correcting my form. They were clear and assertive when I was arching my back or my knees caved inward. They let me hear about it in no uncertain terms. But, over the course of the hour, they also gave me consistent, meaningful positives:
- “Nice work at engaging your muscles.”
- “Your balance is improving.”
- “You’re moving better in this set than last.”
They weren’t sugarcoating it. They gave critical, constructive corrections when they needed to, but it was surrounded by encouragement, celebration of successes, and belief. They weren’t just doing this for me. Everyone in the room was experiencing that same energy.
Their approach is working. I’m getting stronger. I ran a half mile with confidence and zero pain yesterday. More importantly, their positive energy makes me want to show up and it has helped me to flip the script with myself. I find myself saying things like: “I’m trying hard” and “I’m getting stronger every week.” It’s only after many positive moments, that I think: “Ugh! You’re a wellness coach. You know stretching is important, you should be stretching more.” I’ll stretch next time before jumping in!
When the energy balance is right, you feel better, stick with it, and stop dreading it. Individuals improve and teams thrive as they work in tandem toward shared goals. And, because energy is contagious, people start paying it forward. It can beocme expoentially powerful. The 3-to-1 rule builds momentum that creates sustainable change.
Whether you’re leading a team, building new eating habits, or rehabbing an injury, positive energy fuels progress. If you catch yourself saying things like: “That wasn’t enough” or “I’ll never get back to where I was,” flip your narrative. Say three positive, specific things about your movement, mindset, or choices today. Offer one constructive, doable tip to yourself—not a punishment. If it’s hard to come up with positive for yourself, start putting out some positive energy towards others. See if something positive and helpful boomerangs back. Energy is contagious and you can play a role!
Carolyn Kontos, MS, ACC, offers Wellness & Nutrition Coaching at the JCC through her Eat Well Programs. For more information, contact Carolyn at [email protected]
